Authentic Beauty: the shaping of a set-apart young woman, by Leslie Ludy

I "randomly" picked up a copy of this book at our local used book store. I had read When God Writes Your Love Story by the Ludys some years ago and was familiar with Leslie's writing style and approach to life. In this particular book, Authentic Beauty, she takes a step backwards before marriage to the single young woman's heart and questions what true purity means.

For me, this was one of those books that I feel divided by. Ludy's approach to purity is more strict in nature to the one I prefer. She's very heartfelt serious and committed to her walk with the Lord and for that I admire her and sympathize with the things she is trying to communicate to us. Her background is very different from mine in that she attended public high school. From the stories that she shared about her experiences there -- I am SO THANKFUL (cannot stress that enough) that I was home schooled. She relates to the reader various encounters she had with her teenage peers who were utterly lacking in any type of sexual moral standard. I realize that the point of her book was to point out the dramatic difference between the world's approach to purity and God's approach to purity but, quite frankly, I think she was a bit too graphic in relating conversations that she was exposed to/involved with sometimes. If her point was to make me squirm and feel uncomfortable with their teenage behavior, well, then it worked! I spent the whole book inwardly thanking my parents for sparing me the quite disgusting lifestyle lived out by these American teens.

Having never been to public high school I cannot vouch for the fact that the majority of teenagers in America spend their time in school flitting from relationship to relationship and destroying their hearts and lives in the process. I can only say this: About two years ago I had business at a local public high school. I had to walk through the campus to get to the main school office. On the way there I overheard two separate groups of teenagers discussing sex and relationships and I witnessed boys pressing into girls in the hallway. Myself included. It made me mad. I wanted to wave my wedding ring in their faces and tell them to show a little respect (and I wanted to say a few other things too). I was very far from being remotely amused. So IF it is save to assume that this is behavior typical of public highschoolers -- (then I would first ask Christian parents why they would subject their offspring to the temptations?) -- then I'd say Ludy has a message that needs hearing by a larger audience than I was previously aware of.

Her reaction to her exposure to such overt bad moral behavior was, for lack of a better term, to 'take to the extreme.' In order for her to recover from this lifestyle, she withdrew from public school (to home school), cut off certain friendships, got rid of certain clothes and music, etc. She cleaned out because that's what she felt that God wanted her to do. I would say that she did exactly what she needed to do and that there are people in this world, Christian teens specifically, that would do very well if they decided on the same course of action.

My concern of her message is in the fact that she really picked up on the Elizabeth Elliot & Amy Carmichael way of thinking which would demand a more strict approach in relationships between guys and girls. Those two almost put so much emphasis on relationship distractions and how such distractions are "evil" or "bad" (my words, not theirs) that I tend to avoid their teachings myself. I think its too strict. I don't mind them taking the "distance approach" for themselves but I don't think it should be an automatic requirement for everyone. There is such a thing as Christian Liberty and even in saying that I don't mean to swing too far to the other side which would allow people to do, individually, whatever they please. There SHOULD be boundaries to guarding one's heart. But where is that boundary?

I think Ludy gives us a very good picture of where she drew her boundaries in order to keep her heart pure. She gives helpful suggestions and truths that really are above consideration and should be automatically adopted as one's own. She points to the verse in Proverbs 31 that says that the wife does her husband good "ALL the days of her life." (31:12) I caught onto that verse back at around age 18 and started immediately applying it.

So here's where I agree with Ludy very strongly . . .

We need to pay attention to Proverbs 31:12. I see so many people walking around with boyfriends and girlfriends stupidly giving their hearts away left and right. How many times have you heart the term "broken heart" from even one of your friends, if not half a dozen? Girls, in particular, have a tendency to lay it all out very quickly. Somehow we seem to think that if we spill it all out, the guy will be ready to sweep us up and take us in. We haven't even given him time to consider before we're secretly (or not) planning the wedding! Instead of making sure the guy is serious in his intention and design for the relationship, we're ready to "reel him in" by sharing our soul. Then we fight tooth and nail (or cry ferociously) in hopes that we can "keep" what was never ours to begin with. What frequently happens is that the guy has NO such intention to marry -- the girl has just delusioned herself into a mindset that he really, really loves her. Really. Then, so often, she discovers that is not the case. But too late. She already gave her heart away. His fault or hers? I'm going to say hers, quite frequently. At least most of the time. Girls are just so eager for romance. (Which is why, btw, I take such issue with the works of Lori Wick, Janette Oake, and Karen Kingsbury in particular. I think they do Christian females a GREAT disservice on the whole. Fluff and nonsense!)

Ludy challenges females today to stop seeking and pining after their earthly prince but instead, pay more attention to their heavenly Prince. He will not fail you, break your heart or let you down. He is faithful, sincere and true to the very end. There is no disappointment in Him. That is a fact, whether you believe it or not.

I think there needs to be a return to safely guarded hearts. Now, I don't know specifically where any of my blog readers are, relationally, with the opposite sex. So I'm saying this as one who has a firm belief on the topic and who isn't afraid to back it up and has no intention of backing down: If the guy in your life has not put a ring on your finger within 6 to 9 months, the chances of him ever doing so are slim to none. Unless he is out on the mission field -- you are being used. Your heart and your emotions are being worked at to provide him a few "warm fuzzies" or physical favors. There would have to be a VERY good reason for him not to be committing himself fully and completely to you. (And btw -- I mean something along the lines of "God told him to." And then I would ask yourself why, exactly, God told him not to commit and I might end the relationship anyway based on that alone.) If he hasn't, and you've reached this 9 month milestone . . . there is nothing that you could possibly do to benefit yourself or your relationship with your God (providing you are a Christian) more than to shut this guy down and quit giving him your time of day. Whatever time you ARE giving him is a waste. And he is being extraordinarily selfish in asking anything more of you. Yes, guys, that's right: Selfish.

I repeat: Unless the guy is on the mission field, he has NO excuse for wasting your time.

If you ignore this advice and good sense fact, then you are choosing a broken heart of some sort or another because, whether you admit it or not -- I know that you are secretly, inwardly questioning the validity of the relationship. If he gets huffy if you ask him where you two are going or he refuses to answer your question outright and puts you on the backburner for awhile -- then he is not willing to guard your heart either. It's selfish misery. Plain and simple.

So I'm very much with Ludy in the idea of young woman learning to jealously guard their hearts for marriage. Every single day is one that you can spend honoring first God, then your future spouse. All the days of your life. And if any man is worth his weight in salt, he will encourage you to do the same. If he doesn't -- walk on by and continuing building a relationship that is guaranteed not to fail. He will bring you His best in His time and that's just another thing we can rest easy in.

That is where I think Ludy's message is very poinant in today's society. Instead of being incouraged to guard one's heart, we are encouraged to throw it up in the air. Then we're given a victim's mentality everytime it gets a bit bruised. There is a better way and I think Ludy found it. I think she shares her story well (even given the graphic nature of some of the conversation) and its worth anyone's time and consideration. Why not be different? Why not guard your heart by guarding your lips, your eyes, your ears, etc? God gave us a way to do it but we'd rather be satisfied instantly and know that we are "loved." We are too frequently willing to give up the eternal benefit for a moment's satisfaction. Ludy just gives a little encouragement to those who truly desire to marry with a pure and guarded heart. It's a treasure that can be regotten and restored if you have lost it. There is such thing as eternal hope. For the heart and for the ultimate form of true love.