Still : Notes on a Mid-Faith Crisis, by Lauren F. Winner

I'm still not completely sure what I want to say about Still: Notes on a Mid-Faith Crisis which I accepted for review on account of the fact that I previously read and reviewed Girl Meets God. I'm not linking to that old review on purpose because I can't tell from what I wrote what I honestly thought about the book. (I hate my old reviews. Does anyone feel the same way about theirs?)

To save myself future trouble when I reflect back on Still, let me just cut to the chase and say that I didn't really like this book very much.

So. Now. Where do I go from that statement?

Lauren Winner is back, and Still finds us on the heels of Girl Meets God, about a half dozen or so years down the road. Winner has been married, divorced and doesn't really feel like she is connecting much with God. She still believes He exists, but she has some inner faith struggles which she refers to be as a "middle" struggle and stage of her life. It's not the beginning of her faith story and it's clearly not the end. She's in the middle and is wondering what's wrong with her, what she believes, and what might be wrong with God as she has known Him in the past. She explains her doubts and questions "honestly" in a poetical manner (short, choppy chapters with nicely turned phrases) and by presenting herself as honesty itself.

What I ultimately gathered from what she was saying was that she was feeling good about her faith until she got married. Once she got married, she realized she didn't want to be married. (This is used both as an excuse and an explanation for the divorce.) Because a great many people told her that Christians don't divorce, she began to feel that to divorce her husband would be to walk away from God and her faith. But she really wanted the divorce. She walked away from her marriage (and admits that) and ended up in a faith tailspin of sorts, questioning everything. And in fact, she is still questioning everything up to the last page in this book. What is most remarkable is that she also announces at the conclusion of the book that she is in the process of being ordained into the Episcopal Church. This worries me for the state of the church as a whole because if your minister isn't sure who they are or what they believe then how are they supposed to honestly and accurately instruct others as to what the Word of God says? This seems a valid question to be asking.

Now, for purposes of this post I don't mean to drag us into arguments surrounding when divorce is or is not permissible. Let's not go there in the comment section. I merely raise it as a point as it seems to be the crux of Winner's "issues" with God, the Bible and the church at large.

Mostly I dislike this book because Winner (and her publisher) are setting her out as a person who is wrestling with tough questions in an "honest" manner. She pens her questions in an intriguing style. While I know that some people are drawn to what *I* call the poetical writing of, say, Ann Voskamp for instance, I rather feel that the words are so flighty that it's hard to pin the author down on matters of doctrine. Reading Voskamp's blog or Winner's book rankles me because, sure, their words sound very pretty indeed. The way they piece words together into sentences and phrases make you feel something inside. When you read their words it makes you want to run out into the woods and "just feel a prayer." But it's not exactly hard core, thoroughly sound and accurate theology. And therefore Winner (like Voskamp) tends to make me feel a bit nervous. When it comes to my thoughts about God, my heart and my head need to match up. I feel like Winner and Voskamp are all heart and chocolate truffles without doctrine and ten years of seminary which should soundly answer their toughest questions. (Before you get your dander up, I am not resolved to say I completely dislike Voskamp. I have a good friend who I trust entirely with reading choices who likes her so I'm not quite ready to write Voskamp off. I'm merely saying I'm suspicious and her way of wording herself. She does not exactly set me at ease.) Those who like Voskamp would probably understand Winner a bit better than myself. To me though it's all poetry and not enough prose and I distrust that. It feels like they are hiding something from me. (Like truth.) I don't really know how else to explain it. It's a feeling I get when I read them. The motion of their words sway me almost without thinking but I don't want to be swayed without doing a good bit of thinking.

So, ultimately I distrust Winner. I think she wants to communicate hurt and confusion and she does. She wants to know that other people have "middle" journeys also. Many people do. That is not a fact I wish to deny. But wallowing in the questions is not the best place to find answers. Not in my mind. A quick return to the Word of God, sound counsel and a solid Biblical authority who can come alongside and instruct you, while challenging you in your walk, will help you find those answers much faster. If these things are ignored then I'm afraid the "middle" is going to last much longer than it needs to.

I wouldn't want to hand over this book to anyone on a questioning journey because they would just end up finding an excuse to pat themselves on the back and assure themselves that they aren't alone. But that's the thing: they aren't alone.

But from there you will search again for the LORD your God. And if you search for him with all your heart and soul, you will find him. Deuteronomy 4:29

God may at times be quiet, but He is always present. And if we look for Him where He tells us to look for Him - He will be found. I believe that with all of my heart (and mind.)

This book is definitely not going on my favorites list, but I'm glad to know what it was about. Thanks Harper One for providing a copy for review. Naturally, I assume it's pretty clear that all of the opinions expressed above are my own. But I will state the obvious because I'm told I must.