Making Room: Recovering Hospitality as a Christian Tradition

I have to be careful with this post because hospitality is a subject I care deeply about. Just the fact that Making Room: Recovering Hospitality as a Christian Tradition discusses one of my "pet topics" is enough to make me predisposed to love it.

Now, hospitality comes easy to me in some ways. It's easy enough for me to come up with creative and different ideas for having people over. I don't mind large groups and our home can accomodate them. It does not scare me to plan a meal for other people or to invite them into a home that is not perfectly in order. (Although I also confess that I do try to put the house into as much order as possible before guests arrive. I've had to learn to lighten up on that point.) Despite the fact that hospitality naturally comes easy to me, that does not mean I always enjoy it. I get stressed thinking about The State of the House. Having small children, planning to host a group of 15-20 people for lunch after church on Sunday honestly feels like more responsibility than it's worth sometimes. But I know the truth: it is worth it to have each one of those people over, for it builds unity in the Body of Christ. And a unified Body is a sight to behold!

Sometimes the noise that guests make bothers me. (I'm easily bothered by noise.) Sometimes their family traits get on my nerves. Sometimes a guest goes off talking about things I either don't care about or wish they wouldn't talk about. Sometimes I burn food. And frequently I discover my silverware has spots on it. I always notice this when something requests the fork I forgot to set out and so I have to hand them a utensil which looks questionable. Having people into one's home does indeed involve a certain amount of humility. Especially since my youngest child is currently in the throes of testing her independence at the table. Does she or doesn't she have to eat the food she doesn't like? She randomly "poses" this question to us and it's painful when she decides to test the limits of our authority in front of others.

The way I see it, whether or not I have the "gift" of hospitality - or an inclination to it - I'm still required to practice it. Consider these verses:

Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality. Romans 12:13

Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares. Hebrews 13:12

Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. 1 Peter 4:9

The fact is, the Bible commands all Christians - not just those with some inbred desire - to practice hospitality. Our homes are to be open both to our fellow Christians as well as to strangers. We are to be aware of those who are in need and stand ready to seek to meet their needs. There is no "opt out" box to check on our Christian work sheets. If we aren't good at it, we are to get good at it. And how do you do that? Practice.

In Making Room, author Christine D. Pohl isn't discussing the "how to" of hospitality, but rather the history of it. She traces the practice of it back to the early church, showing how it was the church who used to welcome strangers into homes. The church used to minister to the sick and the needy. She shows how the introduction of hospitals and hotels effected changes in society which have come about to the detriment of the church. (Really, if the church isn't meeting the needs of the orphans and widows, the Church is sick and needs attention. It's no help to the Church when it refuses to do the job it was created, in part, to do!) In coming up with excuses not to practice hospitality (i.e., "my house is too small", etc.) we have become a more individualistic society who are more focused on self than at any other period of time in history.

"When we offer hospitality to strangers, we welcome them into a place to which we are somehow connected - a space that has meaning and value to us. This is often our home, but it also includes church, community, nation, and various other institutions. In hospitality, the stranger is welcomed into a safe, personal, and comfortable place, a space of respect and acceptance and friendship. Even if only briefly, the strangers is included in a life-giving and life-sustaining network of relations. Such welcome involves attentive listening and a mutual sharing of lives and life stories. It requires an openness of heart, a willingness to make one's life visible to others, and a generosity of time and resources." (Introduction, page 13)

As this book focuses on the history of hospitality, there is a lot of discussion of hosting the stranger. It might be tempted to try to compartmentalize this book outside the realm of the reader's own Biblical responsibility to practice hospitality because Pohl spends so much time talking about the alien and stranger in the midst. However, it is easy enough to argue that most people you know are strangers to you and your family. Even families a few pews over from your own are generally unknown these days. We have closed ourselves to true Christian fellowship because we feel we are too busy. We have baseball games, school and our own family private time to consider. Now, let there be no mistaking the fact that I consider family time to be excessively important but the church is not made up of just OUR family. And if it is, there is a much larger problem in existence, to be sure!

The stranger is across the room from you at church. The stranger is the relative of a friend who is visiting the area but has no place to stay and rest a bit. We are a society of perfect strangers so it's not hard to find people to whom we are commanded to show hospitality to. But what's our base motivation for doing so? This is what Pohl writes:

" . . . [T]he theological and moral foundations for Old Testament hospitality were tied closely to Israel's special relationship of dependence on and gratitude to God. Isreal's obligation to care was nurtured by an emphasis on its own experience as an alien and by reflection on God's gracious character. The teachings of the Law, the warnings of punishment for disobedience, and promise of blessing on obedience reinforced Israelite hospitality towards strangers, as did the the individual hospitality stories: guests might be angels, messagers from God, bringing divine promises or provision.

New Testament discussions of hospitality continue and extend, but also transform basic Old Testament understandings. In Romans 15:7, Paul urges believers to "welcome one another" as Christ has welcomed them. Jesus' gracious and sacrificial hospitality - expressed in His life so that persons could be welcomed into the Kingdom and in doing so linked hospitality, grace, and sacrifice in the deepest and most personal way imaginable." (Chapter 3, Ancient and Biblical Sources, page 29)

I am speaking to Christians by reminding you that we love because He loved first. We are generous to others with our time and resources because He was generous to us. We reflect Him to those around us. And we cannot do that if we insist on being alone with only our family in our house.

We must learn to share ourselves with others. We are not to live for self alone. We were not designed for that. Rather, we were designed to be a part of the Body of Christ - the visible church of God on earth - and we are to be aware of the strangers in our midst, as discussed earlier. And what this all boils down to, essentially, is being willing to sacrifice time, energy and resources. That can be painful to think about but when you consider what you gain in giving of these things, it far exceeds the expense. There is a good return for giving of your time to someone else.

"The most precious thing a human being has to give is time. Hospitality requires making time in our lives for others, yet many of us are harried. Giving a person our attention requires that we stop and focus on them. This is a challenge in a society that celebrates the capacity to do several things simultaneously, and in which people often seem to take pride in being busy. As a wise Benedictine monk observed, "In a fast food culture, you have to remind yourself that some things cannot be done quickly. Hospitality takes time." (Chapter 9, The Spiritual Rhythms of Hospitality, page 178)

Time. It's something we all are inclined to say that we do not have enough of. So then we have to go back to scriptures and determine how we are to best spend our time. What is required of our time? Well, one thing that is required is that we seek to be hospitality and do not grumble about it. With that in mind, it's high time we clear the calendar and recover the rich tradition which is Christian hospitality.

Maybe it means you skip participating in a particular after school activity.
Maybe it means you eat beans a few times a month in order to be able to afford a meal which will include others outside of your family.
Maybe it means you do not finish reading a book as quickly as you like.
Maybe it means suffering some humiliation when a child defies you in front of a guest.

It might mean all of those things and you certainly need to consider dealing with a few of the above issues in a correct manner. For example: the book should likely be set aside quickly but the child should be dealt with at the earliest possible convenience.

And what do you get in return? Sometimes all you get is the satisfaction of knowing that you were obedient in what God called you to. But most of the time you will be the recipient of sweet fellowship which aids in unifying a branch of the Body of Christ of which I hope you are a member. Hospitality may feel like work, but it is a blessing that is really beyond measure. 

Bottom line: you're called to it. So we must do it and thank the Lord that He rewards us so richly in the process. It is not a chore - it is a true delight!